24 November 2017

Life Flys By!

It's hard to believe that I retired almost 2 years ago.  Since then, it's been a blur of activity and it seems like my wife and I are busier now than when we were working!

We just returned from a Viking River Cruise.  It was the Grand European Cruise of 15 days.  It started in Amsterdam and ended in Budapest.  It was a great time and I made a lot of friends on that cruise.  The wife is already looking at other river cruises.

After the cruise ended, we flew home and then I turned around and flew to Honolulu.  I'm back watching my dad who has severe dementia.  His memory is about 3 to 5 seconds.  That is SECONDS!  He will ask a question, you answer, and he will forget it in that instant.  A second later he is asking you the same question.  Rinse-Lather-Repeat. 

I have to admit that there have been times I have had to step outside away from him.  I just answered that damn question for the umpteenth time and he's asking again.  It really isn't his fault but it sometimes just gets to me. He is also extremely paranoid that someone will break in and steal everything.  OMG!  That window is open slightly!  Someone is going to break in and steal everything!  Nevermind that it's broad daylight and we're sitting right here.  He will keep all the windows, doors, and curtains closed.  It gets stifling hot in the Hawaiian weather but he still gets into a panic if a window is open.

This is the second time I've come back to watch him and I think it's the last.  I really hate seeing him this way.  He used to be a dynamic, vibrant man that made his way.  He arrived in this country with $20 in his pocket and retired a millionaire.  But he doesn't remember any of that.  He's terrified that he has no money. When I try to tell him that he has a lot of money in the bank, he gets very angry and screams that I don't understand.  He now lives a pathetic life.

I have told my wife that if I develop dementia, I do not want to live this way.  I want to die. I don't want to stress my family.  What my dad is doing is not living.  He truly is better off dead.  He's already dead but just doesn't know it.  I hope my wife will find a way to let me escape should I go down this path.

So I will be here in Honolulu for another week.  I have scheduled some personal time here to relax after my time watching dad.  Truthfully, I really don't enjoy being in Honolulu anymore.  I remember the Honolulu of the 60s and 70s.  Seeing the city now with all the crowds, traffic, and other big city problems is like running into an old flame in a whorehouse.

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